Enneagram Type Five with Enneagram Type Nine
Why the Attraction?
- This can be a very comforting, harmonious and supportive relationship because both Fives and Nines value steadiness, stability and Both are undemanding, open-minded and thoughtful of each other.They each like and give each other lots of personal space to do their own thing. Neither pressures the other to do things they don’t want to do. Both types are very patient and share a tolerant, liberal, live-and-let-live philosophy of life.
- Nines are initially attracted to Fives because they are gentle, calm, soft-spoken, astute, wise, incisive and Fives have a penchant for asking deep, thought-provoking questions that really draw Nines out. Nines have an underlying belief that their presence and participation in life is not that important so they truly appreciate Five’s intense curiosity about them. It makes them feel special. Fives, like Nines, are also excellent listeners allowing Nines to feel heard and understood. Nines really appreciate Five’s great advice too.
- Fives are initially attracted to Nines because they’re totally accepting, nonjudgmental, modest, refreshingly humble, uncritical, warm, kind, emotionally nurturing, sensual (like Fives) and down-to-earth. Fives feel asthough they can relax around Nines and be Five’s feel emotionally dry and empty inside (Fives cut themselves off from painful feelings of need in childhood and escaped into their mind) so Nine’s ability to merge with them and communicate non-verbally is deeply fulfilling.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are thoughtful and open-minded
- Are quiet, unobtrusive and undemanding
- Are unintrusive
- Can be intellectual
- Appreciate the irrational mind
- Are sensitive and peaceful
- Like peace and harmony in their relationships
- Are calm, composed and patient with each other
- Are steady and dependable
- Both share a live-and-let-live philosophy of life
- Can give each other personal space and respect each others’ boundaries
Some Shared Negative Traits
- In childhood, were good at withdrawing and making no demands of their parents
- Can be withdrawn and retracted
- Can spend too much time in their mind and imagination
- Can be overly influenced by intrusions
- Can be slow to initiate action for personal agendas
- Can be too conflict avoiding
- Can have difficulty knowing exactly what they are feeling
- Can have difficulty expressing their needs
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Detach/Separate from others (Fives) Connect/Merge (Nines
- Do my own thing (Fives) Go along with others (Nines)
- Clarity of mind (Fives) Ambiguity of mind (Nines)
- Direct and To the point (Fives) Indirect and Tangential (Nines)
- Process quickly (Fives) vs. Process info. slowly (Nines)
- Provocative of others’ ideas (Fives) Receptive to ideas Nine
- Questioning, Skeptical (Fives) Believing, Credulous (Nines)
- Dark, thoughts (Fives) vs. Sunny, Pos. thoughts (Nines)
- Have own strong personal interests (Fives) Easily get caught up in others’ interests (Nines)
- Self-referencing (Fives) Other-referencing (Nines)
- Fives and Nines both like their They usually give each other a great deal of space because neither likes to feel pressured or take action. But this can also be a problem because neither is very good at taking the initiative in the relationship. Each can be more or less content to do their own thing. Of the two, Nines are more likely to want contact because they like the feeling of merging with a partner. Nines tend to idealize their partner and could have a tendency to take on the Five’s life and feelings as their own were it not for the fact that Fives don’t like emotional dependency. Fives don’t want to be Nine’s sole object of focus. Fives can also get impatient with Nine’s indecisiveness and indirectness. Five will withdraw from the Nine if they are feeling too emotionally claustrophobic. This leaves Nine feeling hurt and abandoned. In turn, Nine will angrily and stubbornly withdraw attention from the Five and turn to more supportive relationships for solace and comfort.
- If, on the other hand, Nine is wishy-washy with his/her affection towards Five then Five can feel rejected and become cynical about the relationship The relationship will just fall apart as each partner goes separate ways.
- If Five and Nine live together and either feels that the other has emotionally detached him/herself they might develop an unspoken (or spoken) agreement to keep the peace in the home and just do their own They can peacefully co-exist while having no real relationship.
- Your Nine partner looks to you for guidance and support more than you probably You may not need to spend as much time with your Nine as s/he would like to with you but if you show you really care about your Nine’s needs and desires then s/he won’t feel so dependent on you. Learn to take the initiative rather than waiting for Nine to initiate.
- Be more independent and take more Learn to set your own agenda and priorities rather than looking to your Five partner to set the agenda. This will help you develop self-confidence and less likely to fall into mind-numbing routines.