Enneagram Type Five with Enneagram Type Seven
Why the Attraction?
- This relationship can be complementary because Fives bring depth of experience and knowledge whereas Seven’s bring breadth of experience and Both are insatiably curious mental types who love new ideas and new information. Fives and Sevens are both independent and they like that neither makes demands on the other’s time. Yet, they enjoy stimulating conversations and bring out each other’s witty and silly side. Fives and Sevens divert attention from deep emotions into other interests so neither has to worry about the other being an emotional drag.
- Fives are initially attracted to Sevens because of their energy, joviality, exuberance, optimism and fun-loving, carefree Sevens bring a wealth of life experience to the relationship and Fives enjoy learning from the Seven. Fives improve their social skills and get to try new experiences by being w/ Seven because Seven loves taking Five on stimulating adventures and introducing them to new people at parties and events.
- Sevens are initially attracted to Fives because of their depth, intelligence, inner strength (type Five goes to type Eight when secure), calm, unconventionality, independence, quiet, and off-beat sense of Fives bring a wealth of book and contemplative experience to the relationship and Sevens enjoy learning from the Five. Sevens are pleasantly surprised that the quiet Five is also very sensual and sexual (the connection to lusty Eight again). Fives and Sevens are opposites in many ways but when healthy each balance the other out.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Enjoy stimulating intellectual conversations and interests
- Have curious, quick They share a love of new ideas
- Are independent and self-reliant
- Can both be very sensual
- Both can have startling insights or make new discoveries from their observations/experiences
- Both enjoy sharing their wisdom-born-of-experience
- Can be adventurous and interested in exploring the world
- Both can be highly productive and accomplished
- Can have a great sense of humor and enjoy telling stories
- Both can be unself-conscious and uninhibited
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Avoid or detach from deep feelings
- Don’t like others to make too many demands on them
- Both can be self-absorbed in their projects and interests
- Both can be secretive about their personal life
- Both can live in their imaginations and avoid responsibilities
- Both can have innovative ideas but do nothing with them
- Both can push their obsessive ideas onto other people
- Both can be restless, acquiring more information, looking for something to can delve into
- Both can value freedom more than commitment
- At worst, both can be self-destructive from excessive living, especially sexual promiscuity or perversion
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Depth of experience (Fives) Breadth of experience (Sevens)
- Few/Specific interests (Fives) Multiple/Nonspecific int. -Seven
- Reserved, Private, Moderate (Fives) Unreserved, Outgoing, Excessive (Sevens)
- Inward, Theoretical (Fives) Outward, Experiential (Sevens)
- Disengagement (Fives) Engagement with the world (Sevens)
- Socially uncomfortable (Fives) Socially comfortable (Sevens)
- Steady, Predictable (Fives) Erratic, Unpredictable (Sevens)
- Minimalist/less is better (Fives) Materialist/more is… (Sevens)
- Conserve and Contract (Fives) Expend and Expand (Sevens)
- Sense of Scarcity (Fives) Sense of Abundance (Sevens)
- Fives can see Sevens as too: intrusive (wanting too much of Seven’s time), unrestrained, overly social, impatient, hyperactive, impulsive, self-involved, superficial, unrestrained, over-booked, escapist, pushy,vulgar and
- Sevens can see Fives as too: inactive, overly analytical, withdrawn, socially inept, acting from a scarcity mentality, emotionally detached, negative, cynical, critical, stingy and minimalistic
- Fives and Sevens are opposites in many Fives can seem boring to Sevens because they’re not nearly asadventurous or fun-loving. Fives love quiet time alone to read and work on their projects. Fives can becontent having the same daily routine.
- Fives tendency toward isolation and emotional detachment when under stress is hard on Sevens who love being out in the world having Fives can be critical of Seven’s lack of concentration and frenetic energy. Sevens tend to lose interest in everything too fast (including the Five possibly) to move onto something new and exciting. Fives and Sevens can easily end up living parallel lives where each does his/her own thing and they both meet up occasionally. Fives often complain that Sevens pressure them to socialize too much. Sevens tendency to be more hyperactive, unrestrained and unpredictable when under stress is hard on Fives who tend to withdraw more, become distant and emotionally detached.
- To avoid living separate lives learn to be more sociable and Your lifestyle tends to be more routineand simple compared to your Seven’s but don’t criticize your Seven for being extravagant or self-indulgentbecause it’s just a different way of being. Appreciate your differences.
- To avoid living separate lives learn to spend time at home with your Five instead of being out all the Fives tend to be frugal so your extravagance and excess might become a source of irritation and cause yourFive to withdraw from you, or worse, if you’re not careful.