Enneagram Type Five with Enneagram Type Six
Why the Attraction?
- Fives and Sixes are both in the Thinking Triad so they share a nice mental Both can be logical,analytical and contemplative. They admire each other’s problem solving ability, technical expertise and penchant for facts, details, knowledge and accuracy. Both are also sensitive, thoughtful people who are respectful and considerate of each other. Both have questioning, skeptical, curious minds that won’t just assume the obvious answer is the right one. They like to probe beneath the surface; for what’s not said, what’s hidden.
- Fives are initially attracted to Sixes because they’re friendly, loyal, reliable, quick-witted, compassionate,playful and Sixes are also undemanding and respect the Five’s need for privacy and space, as long as they feel secure in the relationship. Fives like that Sixes are so caring, warm, devoted and engaging with the Five. It helps draw them out of isolation and feel like they belong.
- Sixes are initially attracted to Fives because they’re objective, emotionally composed and calm (especially with Six’s fears, doubts and problems), incredibly perceptive/insightful and extremely knowledgeable/wise.Sixes admire Five’s mental clarity and
- Fives and Sixes do well in relationship once trust has been Both are looking for a stable, steady, predictable partner they can rely on and have found that in each other.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are highly loyal to each other once trust is established
- Are analytical, contemplative and reflective
- Have intellectual acumen and respect for detail
- Can be great problem solvers; may be technical experts
- Can analyze situations un biasedly
- Are sensitive (but often hidden to others)
- Have vivid imaginations
- Are highly effective at dealing with crises
- Have questioning minds that want to understand deeply
- Are undemanding and respect each other’s boundaries
- Have a penchant for factual objectivity and accuracy
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Tend to be attuned to danger and threats to their safety and security
- Can make their world small and predictable to feel safe
- Can feel powerless and hopeless and become depressed
- Don’t believe that others can give them what they need
- Can be pessimistic, negative, cynical, sarcastic and jaded
- Can be mistrustful, guarded, skeptical and secretive
- Can question authority
- Can defy authority and be rebellious (counterphobic Sixes)
- Can procrastinate and lack initiative
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Reject authority (Fives) Defer to or defy authority (Sixes)
- Nonconformist (Fives) Conformist or Rebel (Sixes)
- Decisive thinking (Fives) Indecisive thinking (Phobic Sixes)
- Avant-garde (Fives) Conservative (Phobic Sixes)
- Emotional calmness (Fives) Emotional reactivity (Sixes)
- Curiously Question (Fives) Suspiciously Question (Sixes)
- Impersonal/Detached (Fives) Personable/Engaging (Sixes)
- Unconventional, Work outside system (Fives) Conventional, Work within a system (Sixes)
- Trust own guidance (Fives) Trust other’s guidance (Sixes)
- Enjoy being alone (Fives) Enjoy being with people (Sixes)
- The main problems between Fives and Sixes are: (One) Five’s privacy, retraction and detachment from Six thus bringing up Six’s fears of rejection and abandonment and (Two) the very different ways they think about and react to the outside
- Fives can see Sixes as too: demanding, accusatory, doubting, over reactive, mistrustful, fearful of the worst happening, indecisive, in need of constant reassurance that the Five is still committed to the relationship, and overly
- Fives can seem too private and secretive to Sixes which arouses their suspicions of Five’s lack of interest in the So, Six gets paranoid and pushes for reassurance that everything is okay. Six’s testing of Five’s loyalty and need for reassurance only causes Five to withdraw even more.
- Sixes can see Fives as too: independent, retracted, secretive and withholding (of information), overprotective of their time, dark, provocative, indifferent to the relationship, unreassuring, emotionally remote and avoidant of the
- Five’s silences and retractions feed Six’s worst case Five’s feel burdened by Six’s emotional overreactions and angered by Six’s accusations of wrong-doing. Fives either get angry and argumentative or just withdraw. Five’s can get frustrated by Six’s reliance on consensus of opinion and inability to make decisions for themselves. Five’s can also see Six’s as too conservative and people-pleasing. Sixes like to work with others and within a system. Five’s don’t. Each can disempower the other.
- Realize that your Six partner fears the worst when you are silent or retract to be If you want to have a great relationship with your Six reassure him/her often that you care, listen to his/her doubts and concerns understandingly, disclose more and work at staying engaged and present.
- Learn to trust your own inner guidance more so that you aren’t so anxious about your Five’s Fivesneed lots of space in a relationship so being overprotective of your Five or wanting to know what s/he isdoing won’t be very helpful. Fives dislike having to reassure you that everything is still okay so learn toaccept some uncertainty.