Enneagram Type Seven with Enneagram Type Eight
Why the Attraction?
- Sevens and Eights are often attracted to each other because they are both self-assertive, energetic, freedom-loving, self-confident and love having a rip-roaring good They’re also defiant of limitations and irreverent towards authority. Neither hesitates to say what’s on their mind and each appreciates the other’s candor. They are both practical, action-oriented people who focus their attention on the real world. Both have a tendency to push themselves to their limits. They enjoy stimulating conversations, trying new things, entertaining friends and traveling. They can be highly accomplished but also like to play hard. Both account to themselves and hate being told what to do. Sevens and Eights are sensation-oriented and highly sexual too.
- Sevens are initially attracted to Eights because of their: intensity, vitality, gusto, desire to live the good life, self-reliance and leadership Idealistic Sevens also admire Eight’s nobility of purpose to champion people, fight injustice, and protect the underdog. Eights are strong, powerful people who often make lots of money to have the freedom they want. Sevens can also be attracted to the lifestyle Eights can provide.
- Eights are initially attracted to Sevens because of their playful, lighthearted, optimistic, joyful Eights love that Sevens have a great deal of stamina for having a good time and going on adventures. Sevens know how to have fun, don’t take themselves or life too seriously and can be entertaining raconteurs who make Eights laugh.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are both energetic, self-assertive, adventurous people
- Are strong-willed and go after what they want in life
- Are independent, pragmatic, action-oriented doers
- Can be highly accomplished and productive
- Have vitality, pizzazz and gusto; they live life to the fullest
- Share an exuberant, lusty love of life’s pleasures
- Are frank and forthright when they have something to say
- Have a positive sense of themselves
- Are self-confident, spontaneous and freedom-loving
- Enjoy stimulating conversations and entertaining friends
- Can be very generous when they have the means to be
- Enjoy trying new things and traveling to experience more of this wonderful world
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be unruly, defiant and anti-authoritarian, especially when told what they cannot do!
- Detest having limits or controls of any kind put on them and will rebel vehemently to them
- Can be self-serving, excessive in their lifestyle habits and insensitive to others
- Can be rude, crude, outspoken, blunt, impulsive and impatient
- Can be unrestrained, wild and out of control (both enjoy the rush of reckless behavior)
- Can overspend when trying to make a dream come true OR wanting instant gratification
- Can often push their bodies beyond healthy limits
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Variety of experience (Sevens) Intensity of experience (Eights)
- Must be free of control (Sevens) Must be in control (Eights)
- Live in their minds (Sevens) Live in their bodies (Eights)
- Unfocused, ungrounded (Sevens) Focused, grounded (Eights)
- Idealistic, Optimistic (Sevens) Hard-nosed, Realistic (Eights)
- Non-committal, Evasive (Sevens) Committed, Loyal (Eights)
- Escape from difficulties (Sevens) Deal with difficulties (Eights)
- Future-oriented (Sevens) Present-oriented (Eights)
- Escape from conflicts (Sevens) Instigate conflicts (Eights)
- Approachable, Friendly (Sevens) Intimidating, Gruff (Eights)
- Problems can arise from their tendency to be excessive in behavior and Problems can also arise from each being too strong-willed, insulting and self-centered.
- Sevens can see Eights as too: controlling, dominating, imposing (of their authority), aggressive, confrontational, narrow-minded, impatient and unable to see their harsh
- Sevens have no tolerance for Eight’s anger, controlling, bullying, ordering and imposition of If Eighttries to control Seven’s plans or tell Seven what to do a power struggle can ensue, or Seven will respond by making excuses or being evasive. Eights can see excuses as lying and evasiveness as deviousness and weakness, all of which tough, truth-minded Eights hate. That’s because Eights need to know their partner isloyal, trustworthy and dependable before they feel safe. When Eights feel threatened by Sevens they takemore control, which only leads to more evasiveness and excuses by Sevens.
- Eights can see Sevens as too: avoidant of painful and difficult situations, unreliable, evasive, escapist, quick to make excuses and rationalize behavior, self-serving, limitation, commitment and confrontation phobic, and
- Seven’s non-committal attitude toward relationships doesn’t go well with Eight’s desire for a dependable,loyal Sevens try to avoid problems and difficulties with Eights as much as possible whereas Eights want to deal with problems ASAP.
- Can become addicted to the exciting rush of intense fighting and passionate making
- Eights mistrust evasiveness, excuses and lack of The best thing you can do to make your Eightfeel safe is to tell the truth, keep all of your commitments and promises, stand your ground when your Eightconfronts you and don’t give Eight a reason to doubt your integrity, honesty and loyalty.
- Your way of dealing with difficulty in the relationship is to detach or Your Seven is more sensitive than you so if you can reduce your impact on Seven and communicate your concerns calmly rather than fighting or detaching, your Seven will be able to meet you and work with you. Remember, seek first to understand, then be understood.