Enneagram Type Six with Enneagram Type Nine
Why the Attraction?
- This is a very common Sixes and Nines have different worldviews but many things in common that make this relationship work. Both are looking for security, stability and predictability. Both would like to live as stress free a lifestyle as possible. Their lives are usually built around traditional values, friends and family, loyalty, cooperation, hospitability, support of each other and service to others. Both have trouble being decisive and can procrastinate at times. But rather than get upset with each other, Sixes and Nines can be unusually understanding of each other.
- Sixes initially are attracted to Nines because they are patient, calm and Nines help Six’s feel more relaxed and secure because of their easy-going, even-keeled temperament. Nines are unusually sympathetic listeners and can hear out Six’s problems, fears, doubts, complaints about people, etc. without judgment.Nines help Sixes see life from a broader perspective and not worry so much too. Sixes find Nines easy to get along with because they’re positive, optimistic, undemanding, uncritical and unquestioning.
- Nines are initially attracted to Sixes because they are friendly, considerate and cooperative as well as playful,funny and feisty at times (especially counterphobic Sixes, which makes Nines feel more alive). Nines are also attracted to Six’s loyalty, steadiness, supportiveness and quiet Nines also appreciate Six’s knowledge and competence. Sixes and Nines allow each other to feel safe with one another.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Some are conventional thinkers and adhere to cultural mores while others are free thinkers and unconcerned about conventional societal values
- Are steady, stable, supportive, loyal and family-oriented
- Are likeable, helpful and get along well with others
- Are cooperative, modest, kind, caring and generous
- Are considerate, thoughtful and like to please others
- Both can have great empathy and sympathy for others
- Are trustworthy, devoted and committed in relationships
- Both can commit to goals that serve a higher purpose
- Both are comforting, encouraging and reassuring
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be indecisive, ambivalent and procrastinate
- Both can panic and worry when they feel overwhelmed
- Both can be fearful, questioning, self-doubting, and anxious
- Both can seek security and guidance too much from others
- Both can need constant reassurance from their partner
- Both will stick with an unfulfilling relationship out of misguided loyalty and fear of change
- Both can be too sensitive to criticism, taking it personally
- Both can be conflict avoidant to keep life peaceful
- Both can be too passive, accommodating and self-effacing
- Can be confused about their own personal goals/purpose
- Both can care too much what other people think
- Both can be defensive, stubborn and inflexible
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Seek safety and security (Sixes) Seek peace of mind (Nines)
- Concerned, Worried (Sixes) Easy-going, Unworried (Nines)
- Mistrustful, Suspicious (Sixes) Trusting, Credulous (Nines)
- Vent everything out (Sixes) Keep it all bottled inside (Nines)
- Engaged with life (Sixes) Disengaged from life (Nines)
- Too easily flustered (Sixes) Too unflappable (Nines)
- Anticipate the negative (Sixes) Anticipate the positive (Nine
- Notice the exceptions (Sixes) Notice the similarities (Nines)
- Fear the worst (Sixes) Expect things to work out (Nines)
- Sixes and Nines can be too dependent on the opinions of others and their They aren’t very good at communicating what they’re thinking because neither of them want to create conflict, be disliked, or hurt the other person’s feelings when relationship issues come up. Both value stability and security too much to risk speaking up. This can create psychological distance in the relationship, if not physical distance too.
- Sixes can see Nines as too: indecisive, distractible, oblivious to potential hazards, uncaring and indifferent toSix, stubborn, oppositional, blaming, complaining, lost in inessential tasks, unclear about own priorities,withdrawing and overly compliant then Sixes are constantly on the alert for hidden meanings inwhat the Nine says or doesn’t say. Sixes can mistake Nine’s quietness for indifference or lack of caring which can spark off irrational fears in Six’s mind. Sixes get anxious when Nines procrastinate or getdistracted into inessential tasks because it feeds on their fears about the relationship getting stuck.
- Nines can see Sixes as too: mistrustful, fearful of negatives and worst case scenarios, contrary, provocative, accusatory, controlling, overly worrisome/anxious, irrationally fearful, doubting of love and desirous of certainty and Nines can blame Sixes when things go wrong because they were just going along with the Six. Nines get stubborn when Sixes provoke them or try to push them into action.
- You can get frustrated with your Six’s indecisiveness, distractibility and slower Work on accepting your Nine while encouraging your Nine to set own agenda and priorities.
- Nines go stubborn if pressured or provoked so encourage Nine will take initiative with support and encouragement.
- You fall into easy routines if you don’t have a goal to shoot So take responsibility for yourself. Take some initiative on your own behalf! Your Six will support you 100%.
- Speak up if something is bothering Don’t hold it in.